Jun 26, 2012

Back to niat!

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamiin. Wassolatu wassalamu 'ala asyrafil anbiyaiwalmursaliin. Wa ala aalihi wasahbihi ajma'iin.

"And we have explained to man, in this Qur'an, every kind of similitude: yet the greater part of men refuse (to receive it) except with ingratitude! They say: "We shall not believe in you, until you cause a spring to gush forth for us from the earth, or (until) you have a garden of date trees and vines, and cause rivers to gush forth in their midst, carrying abundant water; or you cause the sky to fall in pieces, as you say (will happen), against us; or you bring Allah and the angels before (us) face to face: or you have a house adorned with gold, or you mount a ladder right into the skies. No, we shall not even believe in your mounting until you send down to us a book that we could read." Say: "Glory to my Lord! Am I any but a man - a Messenger?" (17:89-93)

How far is my sincerity in writing? Allahu'alam. I myself am not able to answer to that question. Nevertheless I shall not loose hope. May Allah Azza wa Jalla protect my heart from riak and ujub. Allahummaamiin.

Sometimes I ask myself the purpose of writing? Why do I write? Is it to be praised by friends and relatives? Or to be famous? Na'udzubillahi minzalik. I hope not. "Da'wah is for everyone." "Da'wah is the biggest sunnah of the Sayyidina Rasulullah SAW." "What's important is ikhlas (sincerity)."

Many times did Allah Azza wa Jalla reminded Sayyidina Rasulullah SAW that he SAW is just a Messenger (at least I think that those are reminders). So, I would also like to remind myself that I am only a da'ie, seeking for Allah Azza wa Jalla 's redha.

"The desire to make known to others your special talent is evidence of your insincerity in serving Him." (Translation of Al-Hikam)

These are the words of Syeikh ibn Athoillah. Reflecting myself, I couldn't stop asking, "Am I a good servant to Allah Azza wa Jalla?" "Am I trying to show off?" "What is my intention?" Allahualam.

Umar bin Al-Khattab reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, say:

إنـما الأعـمـال بالنيات وإنـمـا لكـل امـرئ ما نـوى، فمن كـانت هجرته إلى الله ورسولـه فهجرتـه إلى الله ورسـوله، ومن كانت هجرته لـدنيا يصـيبها أو امرأة ينكحها فهجرته إلى ما هاجر إليه

Actions are but by intention and every man shall have but that which he intended. Thus he whose migration was for Allah and His messenger, his migration was for Allah and His messenger, and he whose migration was to achieve some worldly benefit or to take some woman in marriage, his migration was for that for which he migrated.

[Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 1, Number 1]

I am not giving a tafseer of the ayaat of the Quran, not explaining hadith, not giving much of an opinion. This post is more to a reminder for myself. A reminder which I would also like to share with all of you, insyaAllah, so that we could together tajdid (renew) our niat lillahitaala and continue to write and write and keep on writing. InsyaAllah, biiznillah. "Da'wah is for everyone."

Allahumma solli ala sayyidina Muhammadin 'abdika wa rasuulikan nabiyyil ummiyyi wa 'ala aalihi wasohbihi wasallim. WAllahu'alam bissawab.

Al Faqirah Wal Haqirah Ilallah Al Ghani

Oct 29, 2011


Allahumma solli ala muhammad. wa ala alihi wasahbihi wabarik wasallim.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Alhamdulillah. There's a pushy feeling in my heart, encouraging me to write. May this blog entry be a benefit to my fellow readers. AllahummaAmiin.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal. Astaghfirullah min kulli zanbin.

Today I felt a nikmat which I always forget. Astaghfirullahalazhim. It is the nikmat of being grateful. N why is it a nikmat? Allahu Allah.. when I feel grateful.. I feel like smiling... like crying out of happiness.. I feel so loved by Allah. but Allahu Allah.. such a big nikmat.. for me who is not much of a good slave. Allah..

I have these dreams. I dream of becoming someone who has fallen deeply, deeply, DEEPLY, in love with Allah SWT and Rasulullah saw.. Looking into each and every event in life not just through my pair of eyes, but also through my heart. Always eager to show my love towards Rasulullah saw not only with words but with amal which he s.a.w. thought us. It could be just as simple as being cheerful with friends.

I dream of waking up every night.. Performing prayers to my one and only god, Allah the Most Greatful. Making du'a, shedding tears in the silence of night, not because of the strong aroma of the onion but to cry tears of fear towards Allah, hoping for his forgiveness.

I dream of being worried and afraid at times when guys keep mentioning my name, and when I'm am always in the centre of attention, not because I am at fault towards them, not because they are scarily lurking towards me.. but because of the feeling of guilt towards Allah whenever guys get so fanatic over me, and when my name is repeatedly mentioned. Why? Allahu'alam. Because of beauty? because I'm a girl? ..the guilt when I fail in handling whatever Allah lends me with from fitnah towards my beloved deen. Let me shed tears over this situation in fear of inviting the wrath (kemurkaan) of Allah. Oh Allah..

I dream of becoming someone so reminded by death and what follows it. So aware of the time passing by.. Not giving a single second to waste from asking Allah's forgiveness. So busy in striving for Allah's redha that I dont have the time to attend to my worldly desires. Allahu Allah.

But then.. I'm not saying that I am this kind of person. Allah.. Those are my dreams which are not a part of me YET. A dream which I'm sharing with you so tht you can dream too!

Dreams biiznillah can be a reality. The question is how much we strive for it. WAllahualam.

May Allah accept our efforts and set our heart straight in striving for His redha. AllahummaAmiinX3

Sep 19, 2011


Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me another chance to write another post.
Bridges eyh? Well before I start sharing anything which has to do with bridges. Let me first share with u somethg that I read from iluvislam.com : "A women's heart should be so lost in God, that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."

Wow!! So cool eyh? I wish I have such heart. But hey! What does this has anythg to do with bridges.

Well.. The bridges are part of my imagination. Just imagine!!

~there are two parts of the world. U r in 1 part. N the guys, they are at the other part. what's connecting u with the guys, enabling them to approach u.. is a bridge. The bridge is so high tht they have to climb many stairs just to get to there, then only they can cross it. get it?

Ok. so.. the topic is "Bridges". Not "Bridge". So there's got to be more.. Rite?? As we can see.. there are many ways a girl like myself can allow herself to be approached by guys, which I think u can think of urself. So.. no need to explain abt it rite? ok.. when we initiate ways to connect with those guys. We are actually putting ourself so low, tht it seems much much easier to interact with them. It's like building a bridge which doesnt require 'the climb'. Guys easily approaches us. Well, why use the high bridge when they have the low bridge up ahead of them? Interaction between u and those guys is made easy. But do u really want it this way? Without 'the climb'? They say.. it's all abt 'the climb'. But why do we need 'the climb'?

Lets repeat this again: "A women's heart should be so lost in God, that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."

The climb is actually the effort that the man/guy puts to seek Allah. Allah The All-Mighty is so high, tht's why the bridge is high. Get it?

Ok.. So we muslimahs should put ourselves high too. We must reach Allah. We ourselves must get to the bridge and wait for our very own Muslim prince. Even if u see a nice prince approaching u.. dont go n build such low bridges. Let ur Muslim prince get to u by climbing the stairs. Why is it important again? It's all abt striving for Allah's redha. We dont want it simple because we want Allah's redha. Ok, did I say we want Allah's redha. I should correct myself. We need Allah's redha.

Allahu Allahu Allah.

sabda Rasulullah saw:
"If u only knew what I know, hence u would laugh less and cry more."

Lets us together muhasabah, reflect ourselves. for I too have to remind myself over and over again. Mistakes over mistakes. I am juz a normal person. But deep in my heart, I know how difficult this mission is. so, lets not give ok!! WAllahualam.

Sep 4, 2011

Can I write?

I am in the mood of writing a sad story. But I doubt tht it will be of anyone's interest because there are no plots or whatsoever. but still.. Shall I continue?

This a story abt a girl who fell and fell and fell. u think this girl would get up again and move on with her life? hmm.. think again. the fall she went through was not juz a fall. it is a fall which gave such pain, not only to her limbs, but also her heart. heartbroken eyh? hmm.. hard to say. u must be wondering what happened to her, how did the heart got broken? n why did the fall occurs over and over again. it is herself tht u should look into. the reason is her. why? because she kept putting herself into the same situation. she allowed herself to be hurt. in which way? well, does it matters? yes? no?

This story reveals on how she brought herself back to her own feet. how she gathered her courage to look over the past. how she continued her life full-spirited, motivated. how?? let me tell u a bit of her story.

Every morning she woke up with the memory of her past. how she wished tht she had not fall so many times. to get up from her bed is to begin a new day. even when the sun did shine.. she felt all gloomy and dark inside. she could cry all day long if her eyes dont get sore. it is true how one gets so depressed, one drags itself here and there like a zombie. so lifeless.. so empty. yes. empty. dark and empty.

days were full of regret. but regret does not allow one to turn back the time. what's done is done. tht's it! so.. how? she knows the pain and sorrow she's going through, of course. n it struck her how horrible her current situation was. the girl did not want the rest of her life wasted just like tht. no. she hated being her zombie self.

there's this voice inside her, saying things. nice things. sweet things. one which gave her hope. n trying to grab her, to protect her from such a disastrous end. is it herself? is it her 'iman'. WAllahualam.

the voice spoke of life: "Life is a chance. do not waste this chance. nothing assures tht u will always get this chance. so grab it while u can before ur life comes to an end. to smile or not to smile.. it is ur choice. question urself, r u grateful to Allah, ur one and only god? r u?? because life.. it is made up of choices."

hah!!the girl was reminded of some words from a very honorable friend: "If we believe tht everythg in our life is part of Allah's arrangement, we would surely feel the nikmat of being Allah's slave. We don't need to erase it. Keep it neat n tidy in our heart so tht it becomes a reminder for us."

clear isnt it, how big the word redha is. and how the absence of redha was very obvious in herself. she once learnt tht redha = not a single to nag/complain/grumble. yeah. somewhat like that. and the element of gratefulness. where is it? is it there? I doubt it. tht was the missing element. one she should not run out of. one she could restore in herself by juz forcing a sincere smile with her lips singing Alhamdulillah.

the girl took her time to muhasabah. to allow the tarbiyyah she's going through. She knew how humans should allow Allah to touch their hearts. the heart. it is a special thing really. sadly.. it was broken. but guess what? Allah created the heart. dont u think tht Allah can cure it? of course. Allah, the creator of her tiny heart can easily renew her heart. but of course, Allah knows better of what to do with her heart. so the girl decided to hand the heart to Allah. She asked Allah to give her the strength to move on, for she could never move forward if it isnt for Allah and Allah's blessings. so what's next. The return to Allah. hopefully.

The end.

what a weird story eyh? y write such stories?

Because to bring urself forward, to me, is not an easy thing. to pull urself together after many falls can be so difficult tht u juz wanna give up. we can look back in the past and cry all of our tears but what's the use? yesterday is no longer ours. yesterday was juz yesterday. no change can be made. disappointment. tht's how I feel. disappointed of myself for being the person i was/ i am. but the only question left is.. Am I still gonna disappoint myself?

PS: the only thing the girl did and still doing is muhasabah. does it work? is she gonna survive? can she live full-spirited, motivated? WAllahualam.

May this story be one that encourages us to be better. Sry if it is juz a waste of ur time. I juz wanted to write something. I suppose this is something eyh?

Aug 24, 2011


Assalamualaikum wbt. Dear readers. This short post is one which was inspired by a recent conversation between me and a sis who I very much love, adore and respect. May Allah bless her. AllahummaAmiin.

Me: Hmm.. I sometimes feel like erasing my past. But sadly, we're unable to do so.

Her: Allah.. InsyaAllah. If we believe tht everythg in our life is part of Allah's arrangement, we would surely feel the nikmat of being Allah's slave. We don't need to erase it. Keep it neat n tidy in our heart so tht it becomes a reminder for us.

Me: aww.. so sad..

Her: Don't be sad. InsyaAllah. When we want to do good, Allah is surely with us.

Me: Sometimes I feel tht I'm unable to change myself into being a better person. It's so difficult.

Her: InsyaAllah. We have to be optimists. Slowly. Not drastically. Tawakal but don't forget to put some efforts. Put some efforts but don't forget to doa(pray). "Man jada wajada, man zar'a hasoda"

Many of u may have the same problem as me. Haunted by my own past. Trying change, but to change is so difficult! thought once or twice of giving up. but I myself know how giving up is not an option to this problem. Alhamdulillah. I agree with this beloved fren of mine. yes. "We don't need to erase it. Keep it neat n tidy in our heart so tht it becomes a reminder for us." InsyaAllah. Wallahualam.

Aug 15, 2011

A Chance.


Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. there's somethg tonight tht makes me tip-top n ready to write on "Ordinary Eyh??". So, what's up Lydia? hmm...

My fellow readers, I've been sick lately. to be more precise.. I've been heaving headache for days. but this evening I felt a lot better. Alhamdulillah. the days had been quite dreadful I have to say: my headache worsen when I look at lamps, my laptop, tv, n of course.. I didnt even dare to read any kind of books.. and also as I always do when I get headaches.. I avoided wearing my specs.. difficult to explain my situation, but laying down on the bed didnt make me feel better. I juz hoped tht time flies so quickly tht maghrib comes n I can actually distract myself with food n take up some medicine.

Now why in the world did I tell u all of these?? to get ur attention? to complain? nope. nauzubillahiminzalik.

juz to share with u.. the dreadful days made me sigh the big sigh which says, "Why Allah, do u give me such sickness?? now I cant do anythg. I so wanna distract myself from all of these.. but I cant even watch the tv!!" Allahu Allahu Allah. Ok. I know how bad this is. to sigh. to complain. to not be a grateful person. Astaghfirullah.

but this evening things changed. Now I feel so fresh n my mind.. its clear. Alhamdulillah. N I thought.. "Lydia.. If u dont use this chance... the chance will be wasted. N guess what? there's no doubt tht the sickness will come back.. maybe tomorrow, maybe in a couple of hours.. come on Lydia, come on! This might be ur one and only chance. U hv not been a grateful person. The least u could do is to strive for it now. InsyaAllah." Come friends. being sick.. there's not much tht u can do. I'm serious. Lets make use of what we have. Lets be grateful to Allah. InsyaAllah. Alhamdulillahirabbilalamiin.

Jul 26, 2011

the unclear..

Assalamualaikum wbt. hey, every1. It's been quite a while eyh.. Sorry.. I've been thinking lately. I've been thinking a lot. U see.. lately, I've been asking myself on my standings (I mean, 'pendirian'). I saw how my understanding differs from what some of my friends'. N so.. I was desperately seeking for a solution to the confusion I was having. I asked a couple of close frenz abt their opinion since I believe tht I am not tht alim to be making my own hypothesis. hence, these frenz whom I trust are better than me gave me some ideas which eases my confusion. I'm not planning on telling u what I was confused of. Instead.. I would like to share with u what I figured out. So, r u ready to listen/read/pay attention to what's up next on Ordinary Eyh? haha.. but dont get ur hopes up high. It's juz a short resolution to my confusion. Here it goes..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim. u know when there are different people giving different opinions on somethg? yeah.. I was so confused on who to follow, who to trust. to trust only myself.. tht would be so wrong. I mean... who am I?? I know who I am. I am a person with nothing but weaknesses. what I now is far too itsy bitsy tiny weenie from what Allah knows. meaning... I dont know much.

But from what I understand... Islam is a complete 'deen'. I believe tht everthg is chained up together. N so.. If I am really really ikhlas in finding the truth, really really ikhlas in all of my doings.. I trust Allah. And I trust that Allah will show me the way. since everythg is chained up together... I believe tht once I got hold of part of the truth biiznillah (with Allah's permission), I will get hold of the rest too! insyaAllah. n the truth will be revealed. InsyaAllah. wAllahualam. get what I mean?? sometimes I desperately hope tht the unclear becomes clear. but now.. I think waiting is a considerable option. juz focus on being some1 ikhlas insyaAllah. N tht is my standing!! (so far.. haha..) wAllahualam. Allah knows, i dont..