Muslimah

Salam. hey every1.. I juz came back from moscow.. I learnt a lot in moscow by spending some time with many other sisters from moscow, novgorad, volgograd and kursk, Russia. alhamdulillah. so, I wanna share somethg with u, abt muslimah.

at first i was with my friends, watching the games held in moscow. badminton, futsal, etc. On the way to the badminton hall n on the way back.. I was with two other sniors (girls), but of course the bus seat was two by two. N I was alone since they chose to seat together. of course there were other guys from my team. At first I sat alone, but when a guy came to count the remaining empty seats, I started to worry. I dont want to seat beside any guy strangers!!! so, i wanted to sit with my guy snior who of course, I am familiar with. n so I said, I wanted to sit with him. Of course, he was being polite and allowed me to do so. and of course, we remained silent all the way to the hall. And otw back, I make that similar choice. But now I realized tht it was the wrong choice. Astaghfirullah. Maybe I chose to do so because I felt calm and safe to be seated beside some1 I know. But the fact is, I'm a Muslimah. N must choose to not-to-seat-beside-guys. I should seat alone, coz tht is my choice as a muslimah. but for a guy to come and join me, eventhough I felt uneasy, and totally dislike.. Thts ok, coz thts not my choice, juz somethg that I cant prevent myself from, I cant run from. maybe its what Allah is testing me with. Wallahualam.

then, my beloved naqibah came and picked me up. she brought me to the home of moscow sisters (medic students). I met them, got to know them, etc.. Looking at them, I felt happy and calm, a very nice feeling which is quite difficult to explain. N I said to myself, wow! they are really bringing up their 'muslimah'. I mean.. I can really see 'Muslimah' in them.

the next day, I was supposed to support my friends playing the basketball. I say... they were great!! but what comes after that was the hockey (guys). N I knew that my naqibah (who was with me all along), wanted to go home. but I did not know the exact reason. so, for being a nice guest, I decided to go home too, when she actually gave me a choice to stay. I was happy to be able to support my smtu team, guys n girls. but I hv my priority, which was to be a well-behaved, not-so-lousy guest. but then, my naqibah told me that she chose to go home, also because she has a priority, which was different than mine. huhh? what pripority?? A priority as a muslimah! she said that as a muslimah.. we cant go around following what other people do. we have to interpret the situation, n choose for the better. It struck me, really. but now, I think I got it. U know, I hv some very close non-muslim friends. we always hang out together. but once, they brought me along to the arcade, n I really felt like I didnt belong there. y?? Because I'm a muslimah!! N I was repeatedly asking myself... "What am I doing here???". I guess that was how my naqibah felt. we muslimah have to lower our gaze toward guys, juz like guys have to lower their gaze to girls u know? so, how can we muslimah intentionally look at a group of guys, playing around?? I guess, as a muslimah.. I should not do so, even if I only wanted to support them. Like my naqibah used to say.. we girls give dakwah to girls. tht's our part! whereas guys have their own parts. we dont have to interfere, coz guys n girls.. there is a boundary in between.

Ok! 1 lesson learnt. and also.. my naqibah n the other moscow sisters werent wasting their time in the metro. they read the quran, read islamic books.. yeah. how can I deny, tht I see the 'muslimahs' in them! then, tht night, alhamdulillah, we had a programme held by one of the moscow sister. the topic was tarbiyyah. Well, I think it would be too long for me to write abt it in this post. but I say... alhamdulillah. It was a great programme, 1 that cn refresh our spirits to move on, to remind us, to improve ourselves, etc.

the next day, I was pretty sleepy. once again, I had choices. This time, whether to sleep or to eat. N I chose... to eat!! haha.. I was being myself alrite!! but then, after that.. A moscow sister was asking me the situation over here in st pete. I told her how we muslimahs r the minorities. how programmes were held in a mixture of guys-girls. coz we r 1 society. N I was ok with tht. but the sister made me feel tht it is not ok. y?? coz we I am a Muslimah! She told me tht she used to mix around with guys too. but after the tarbiyyah started in her, she realized herself, tht as a muslimah, we have to build a boundary between us. she told me tht in my case.. it would be difficult. yeah.. engineering, with guys all around me. now I'm not trying to be an anti-guys person. Coz these guys, they r very nice, caring, polite, helpful, etc. towards me. N I appreciate it! jazakumullah. but like my naqibah said, I hv my priorities as a muslimah. so, the sister said tht I had to be strong..

A friend of mine used to say, tht she liked it when we really get along with guys. we got close and spend some time together. well, I had to say.. I liked it too. before I know that it is wrong. as in.. it is not the islamic way. astaghfirullah. As an elder friend used to say to me.. We hv to put islam high, meaning.. make it our priority. N this trip to moscow really tought me a lot. alhamdulillah X3. how can I not be grateful?? I felt like I saw somethg new, somethg sweet and pretty in being a muslimah. somehtg special, somethg unique. yeah.. but can I be like tht?? I hope so. AllahummaAmiin X3. be a gud muslimah!!

A step towards serenity. Hopefully...

Salam. now I'm a bit messed up right here. I guess I gotta pull out some of whats in my head to 'Ordinary Eyh??'.

K.. so.. u know how sometimes we want somethg so much, n we will be like, "I wanna do this!! I must do this!!" or "I want this!! I must have this for myself" Yeah!!!!

But what if what we r doing (/wanna do) is unbeneficial (or worse, it's the wrong thing to do!!). These things usually lead to the negative side. even sitting around wasting our time is like a crime. yeh know what I mean??

but then.. while I was in the middle of this dilemma, there's like a voice. A nice.. soft... voice... asking me to be patient... and be strong.... hmm.. I know as a muslimah, I gotta hold on!! N I felt like.. yeah.. u r right Mr Voice. But then Mr Voice continued... He said tht the Earth is not forever n we gotta work things out as our preparation for the final abode, the hereafter. yeaah.. ur right Mr Voice. jazakAllah.

N my mind went around and around and still.. it is around.. somewhere. which was why I decided to write here!!

hmm... y is it so hard for me to take this the right way. I prefer to be patient n wait for whatever I want to be right in front of my eyes, rather than to be patient in striving for Allah's blessings. Astaghfirullah. Tht's so not the way it should be.

Gotta straighten myself up! tie a knot to my iman, so that I wont lose it. but how?? y does this mind goes back to what I'm trying to avoid? how do we leave a bad habit eyh? I wonder............................

n now I rmb what my sister said:
...trying to resist doing things you enjoy doing; going online, watching movies, talking, joking, eating, sleeping… Sometimes you feel like giving up. Why am I killing myself with these books and lecture notes?? And exams!! Then again, you’ve got to remember, you are where you stand for a reason, a reason that you might not be certain of, but God knows. So hang in there, you’ve got to be strong. Just do your best and leave the rest to God. You’re a good person, you love God, and He loves you back. Whatever happens, it is because He wills it to happen. He is testing you, whether you’ll come to Him, or sail away…

yikes! ur absolutely right. Words of advice from my darling sister.. awwwwwwwwwww......... I'm touched. Her words refreshes my spirit to strive towards Allah's blessings. Alhamdulillah. I luv u Allah!!!! N I luv u my sister!!!!

PS: sometimes we do wrong things to solve our problems, when such wrong doings are unnecessary. U can live without it! Believe in Islam as the way of life. Yeahhh!!! =)

Usrah

Salam. Hey every1, know what the word usrah means? It means FAMILY!

U know, when I was in MRSM Beseri, I followed an usrah, which was almost every friday, when our guys went for friday prayers. An ustazah would come, n we would listen to her (like a tazkirah, but only for us muslimahs).

But when I went to UniKL Miat 4 my foundation. I found out that the usrah over there was unlike the usrah in school. We started with tadabbur, n then our naqibah continues with a tazkirah maybe, or a sirah, etc. Yup, it's different alrite!

Now in St Petersburg, Russia, things became a bit difficult for us, as in there's not much 'majlis ilmu'. Our beloved seniors ensure our weekly tazkirah is on (we take turn giving the tazkirah). N of course! We hv our usrah, with our naqibah in moscow. This also goes on weekly. n it's online (via skype). However, our naqibah came to St pete twice, n she's gonna come here again on saturday!! InsyaAllah.

Hmm.. As usrah means family.. There's one thing going on in our usrah. One thing! It is the love we hv for each other. Our previous usrah was yesterday. N only a couple of minutes after that, our beloved naqibah, posted on facebook, that she missed us already. so, sweet eyh? I say, our naqibah always remembers us! (I believe so!) Always wondering how we are getting along. How caring she is! She posted videos for us in facebook as reminders for us, so tht our iman will always be fresh!! Well, she tries to! =)

In the usrah, we also got the chance to express our feelings, our problems, etc. So, in this foreign world, we have Allah, n Allah gave us this 'usrah', this kind of family, for us to share our experience, our opinions and share what we are going through. Alhamdulillah.

N then there's the mutabaah. She asks us pray together, read the al-mathurat, qiamulail, fast, etc. Not tht we can do all of those, but she encourages us. Alhamdulillah, we can feel the difference. U know what? sometimes, we need tht little push, for us to improve ourselves.

Last time, in school, for PMR, I did not study the sirah. Sorry to say, I skipped the sirah part since I was not interested n had problems memorizing them. I suppose tht's why I got bad results for my Islamic studies for PMR! I deserved tht! so, I missed out the sirah part in school.. Alhamdulillah, in our usrah, sometimes our naqibah tells us the sirah. N insyaAllah, this way, I can still learn sirah, though I missed out some of it in school.

As a student studying in St pete, I feel grateful, alhamdulillah, to have given the chance to fulfill my soul requirements, to get reminders, to improve myself, my iman, insyaAllah. How can I not be grateful? Let alone my frenz got to go to talaqi. Well, maybe I cant find talaqi over here, I guess it was their opportunity, not mine (well, maybe I will have the chance, insyaAllah. amiin.)

Living in Russia taught me a lot! Responsibility, politeness, independence, strength, friendship, etc. Alhamdulillah. How can I not be grateful? Some people, Allah gives them the chance to learn more abt His religion - Islam. Some, Allah gives the chance to learn more abt science, math, etc. Some, abt cooking, housekeeping, maybe... (I mean, The chance is much bigger, wider!) who knows?? Allah knows. N Allah knows what's best for us. N I say, I believe that where I am now, that's the best for me (now)! This is my chance! My chance to shine! Shine?? haha.. I mean, I hv to use this chance with all my might. Strive for Allah's blessings. YeaAh!! InsyaAllah. =)

"Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both deny?" Surah Ar Rahman