Can I cry?

There were 2 events lately.. tht put me far from cloud 9. I planned on sumthg. but Allah gave me a no. N so, I put up another plan. but it seems like the answer is still no. AllahuAllahuAllahuAllah. What does this mean Ya Allah. I juz.. I juz wanna cry.. in hope tht the cry will make my heart feels better. Ya Allah, Ya Wahidul Ahad.

Bismillah Hir Rahman Nir Rahiim.

Allahumma solli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala ali saidina Muhammad.

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Allahumma solli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala ali saidina Muhammad.

Alhamdulillah. I feel better already. Thank u Allah. =)

PS: Meaning of AL-BAQI - (tidak akan musnah krn Dialah Yang Maha Kekal)

(Baca Ya Baqi 1000 kali ketika dlm kesedihan, insyaAllah perasaan itu akn hilang) WAllahualam.

Kafir

I was attending my first uskab (usrah kabilah) juz now.. It was short but very meaningful. Let me share it with u...

We did tadabbur on surah al-Kahfi (100-110). Come my fellow muslims, open up ur quran right now!!

hmm... at first we talked abt Jahannam. ok. so, jahannam is such a big horror word for those who actually realize it. I mean.. u couldnt even imagine such horror, such torture, terrible, terrible torture in that place. For who??? for those who are kafir. Nauzubillahiminzalik.

We learned the characteristics of the kafir. I rmber these 3 points.

1) The kafir have closed eyes and the kafir doesnt listen. Ok. What does this mean? From what I understand.. the kafir doesnt wanna accept the truth of Islam. He refuses to look at the greatness of Allah and refuses to listen to the rightful truth.

2) The kafir takes shelter from other than Allah. Example. to depend on other than Allah. when we get sick, straight to the doctor's. not to Allah. The doctor gives u recovery or Allah recovers u? Think2!! Allah of course!! the visit to the doctor's is only ur effort to heal urself. when the healing happens only biiznillah.

3) The kafir does good. charity for example. but what he does was such a wastage. maybe bacause he hopes for the respect of others or for compliments. Such a waste!! he thinks tht he does good, when Allah does not count those charity since it was not LILLAHITAALA. juz doing it for urself to get the credits is a NOkie dokie!

y is this so meaningful 2 me? because Allah is really conversating with me.

I know tht Allah gives the best for me in all situation. It's as if Allah is asking me.. Is it so difficult to accept tht Allah knows what's best for u??

I plan and plan and plan.. but Allah is the best planner. It's as if Allah is asking me.. Is it so difficult to put ur trust in Allah??

I know how important the niat is and how we humans have to deal with distractions in order to protect our niat LILLAHITAALA. yes. It's as if Allah is asking me.. What exactly do u want out of all of ur doings?? What do u want Lydia??

Oh Allah. I dont want to be kafir. I dont. nauzubillahiminzalik.

Oh Allah! Hear my du'a..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim.

Ya Allah, jgnlah Engkau biarkan pd diri kami ini dosa, kecuali Engkau telah ampuni akan dia, dan tidak ada kesusahan kecuali Engkau leraikan, tidak ada yg brhutang kecuali Engkau tolong langsaikan, tidak ada sakit kecuali Engkau sembuhkan dia, dan tidak ada kesesakan kecuali Engkau beri kesejahteraan akan dia, dan tidak ada org yg sesat kecuali Engkau beri petunjuk akan dia, tidak ada org yg susah kecuali Engkau permudahkan dia, tidak ada org yg fakir kecuali Engkau beri kekayaan akan dia, dan tidak ada org yg memohon kecuali Engkau tunaikan dia, dan tidak ada yg jauh, kecuali Engkau hampirkan dia, dan tidak ada musuh kecuali Engkau binasakan dia, tidak ada org yg berjihad kecuali Engkau menolongnya, tidak ada org yg bujang kecuali Engkau kahwinkan dia, tidak ada hajat drp hajat2 dunia dan akhirat yg Engkau redhai pdnya dan ad kebaikan bg kami, kecuali Engkau tunaikan dia, dan permudahkan dia wahai Tuhan Yg memelihara dan mentadbirkan sekalian alam.

Ya Allah ya Tuhan kami, kurniakan kami rahmat dari sisiMu, dan berilah petunjuk kpd kami dlm urusan kami dgn sgala petunjuk, Mudahkanlah urusan kami ya Allah, permudahkanlah jgn disulitkan krn Engkaulah yg Maha Memudahkan, segala yg susah adalah mudah bagiMu, ya Allah, sempurnakanlah dgn segala kebaikan, dgn rahmatMu, Ya Allah wahai Yang Paling Mengasihani drp segala yg mengasihani.

Ya Allah kuatkanlah iman kami, satukan saf-saf kami, dan kumpulkan hati2 kami di atas kecintaan kpdMu, Ya Allah Ya Karim. Kasihanilah kami Ya Allah, Kasihanilah kami Ya Rahim, Mudahkan urusan kami dan luaskan rezeki kami, dgn rahmatMu Ya Allah wahai Yang Paling Mengasihani drp segala yg mengasihani.

Ya Allah sesungguhnya Engkau mengetahui yg nampak dan yg rahsia dr kami maka terimalah keampunan kami, dan Engkau mengetahui hajat2 kami maka tunaikanlah hajat2 kami.

Ya Allah sesungguhnya Engkau mengetahui yg nampak dan yg rahsia dr kami maka terimalah keampunan kami, dan Engkau mengetahui hajat2 kami maka tunaikanlah hajat2 kami.

Ya Allah sesungguhnya Engkau mengetahui yg nampak dan yg rahsia dr kami maka terimalah keampunan kami, dan Engkau mengetahui hajat2 kami maka tunaikanlah hajat2 kami, Ya Karim Ya Allah wahai Yang Paling Mengasihani drp segala yg mengasihani.

Allahumma Amiin. Allahumma Amiin. Allahumma Amiin.

Selawat atas junjungan kami Rasulullah saw.

Walhamdulillahirabbilalamiin.

K.I.D.S.

Kids. observe them. Many things can be learnt from them. For example. I went to this one place. A place where the young ones spend their time learning how to read the quran n memorizing it also. So.. I saw these small children. U know how their life goes? If they go to school in the evening, they spend the whole morning learning the quran. N of course, if they go to school in the morning, they spend the whole evening at tht place. Some say tht they have no life. U think its torturing them?? Well, here's my story.

I was sitting at the side observing a couple of kids. There ware a brother n a sister. Still young. (I asked the small girl and she said tht she was only 8) So.. these small kids memorized some surahs from juz amma. impressing I say! looking at the only-8-year old girl. totally not juz a pretty n adorable face. tht is somethg to be impressed of. Alhamdulillah.

U wanna know more?? these 2 kids really enjoyed their time over there. they showed joyful faces full of spirit, eager to memorize more and more. Even in the arabic language class.. they were so eager to learn. I remembered this 1 phrase introduces to me by one of my beloved fren. It goes like this. hikmatu syuyukh wa hamasatu syabab. It means: wisdom of the elders and spirit of the young people. These 2 composition makes a great missionary (pendakwah).

so.. dont look down towards kids!! they are young and pure-minded. I say there's something in them if u juz take ur time n observe. InsyaAllah. WAllahualam.

Redha

I hv this 1 fren... A beloved neighbour, I can say. she has this 1 small board where she writes some daily reminders for herself. In 1 of my regular visits to her room, I saw a statement tht she wrote. It goes somewhat like this. Redha - not a single nag/complain/grumble tht appeared in the heart. ok. so, redha is clearly a BIG thing.

let me give u an example. an incident happened. this incident may be expected or unexpected. but what's sure is, it is not what ur heart pleases. ok. so, to be some1 redha towards this incident is to accept it well. not a single to complain/nag/grumble. yea. so, got the view?

Fighting has been prescribed for you, but it is of dislike to you. And it may be that you dislike something while it is good for you; and it may be that you love something while it is bad for you. And Allah knows while you do not know. (Surah Al-Baqarah: 216)

(Kamu diwajibkan berperang, sedang peperangan itu ialah perkara yang kamu benci dan boleh jadi kamu benci kepada sesuatu padahal ia baik bagi kamu, dan boleh jadi kamu suka kepada sesuatu padahal ia buruk bagi kamu. Dan, Allah jualah Yang Mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahuinya.)


how in the world can we be some1 who is redha?? my opinion: it is important to remember tht Allah the All-Knowing knows whats best for us. Allah knows, n we dont. Juz because our heart pleases something doesnt mean tht it is good for us, for our da'wah, our life, our future and our end. no it does not. We are juz slaves of Allah with limited knowledge. There are much much much more 'ilmu which are beyond the limit. What we know is juz a tiny tiny bit of what Allah knows. WAllahualam. Allah knows what's good 4 us.

This post is kinda reminder for myself. Hope tht it is useful for u guys too. Have patience! =)

Examination.

Waaaaahhhhh......... I miss blogging!!!!!!

To my fellow readers. Sorry 4 being away 4 such a long time. Many times I intended to write new posts but I decided tht exam comes first. Mom said tht it's my responsibility. So gotta focus n everythg...

Alrite then.. So y am I writing right now?? Yup! u guessed it!! (or u didnt... I dont know..) My 1st year exam is over. So now is my chance to share n share n share. Abt what?? well... since this is the fresh topic over here. Let me share with u abt my exam..... Not to tell u what grades tht I got, but to tell u how sweet Allah is. Alhamdulillah.

Ok, abt math. Ohh... how I love math. Hmm... so, what's up with math? Hmm... usually, I was never afraid of exams. But this time. One of my beloved seniors reminded us tht getting excellent results is not everything. Oh she's so right!! What's important is we be grateful to Allah, with whatever tht we have achieved. yeah!!

So, what happened to me?? Well, I was always aiming 4 the highest. It's quite difficult to change my point of view. But the voice inside me said. Hey Lydia! Allah is the All-knowing. Allah knows whats best 4 u.. He knows, n u lydia.. u dont! ok then... my mind started analyzing.. hmm... what if getting a not so excellent result is what's best for me. Can I take tht grade and be grateful when my mind was always set for the highest?? Hmm... can? cannot? can?? cannot??

anw, what I was thinking before the math exam was.. can I handle excellence without riak or ujub? Oh my!! this is dangerous...... I should never ever ever let myself in shirik. So the not scary at all exam. became... yeah, u guessed it eyh?? scary~

Allah was so sweet... Aaawwwww.... let me tell u the story!! The math exam was WOW!!!!! One word. Difficult. Yes it was. No kidding. In 1 question, I got a weird answer. In another, I didnt know the formula. And another question, the idea juz didnt seem to be right. hmm... So what did I do?? I sat there 4 a long time. waiting for the ideas to come.. No ideas?? nope!!

I gathered my courage to get in front of the lecturer, n gave her my masterpiece! I was ready to get a not-so-excellent result. But.... Allah's help came in many ways. The lecturer gave a 'plus' on my weird answer,gave ma a formula tu continue with my solution and gave me a chance to correct my didnt-seem-to-be-right answers. I was given another chance!!!!!!!

Ok2.. y was I given a chance??? Well, I say there's juz 1 answer to tht. Allah has helped me. Alhamdulillahirabbilalamin. in what way is this sweet?? It is sweet because I cn feel tht I got excellent marks not because I am smart, or because of luck. But because of Allah. N tht's how I want to succeed. Not with shirik (riak, ujub). But with Allah by my side. InsyaAllah. I loved the way Allah tested me. Allah gave me such difficulties tht made me feel tht the success was not from me. But from Allah the All-knowing.

R u wondering what I get for other subjects??? Well.. let me tell u abt physics. Physics. So many topics!!!!!!!!!!! I didnt manage to finish with my reading. but when the time came, it is juz it. no delays eyh? hmm.. I was quite afraid. But I know for sure. What's important is to sit for the exam lillahitaala. ikhlas. results was not important. so I went into the battle field. I prepared for the oral exam. when it was time, I moved towards the lecturer.. n sat beside her. then she started questioning. 1st question!! I went blank. 2nd... still thinking abt 1st question, but i tried to answer. n I got it right.. and the exam moved on................. Results?? Not excellent. nope. but.... That's whats best for me!! Alhamdulillah. If tht's what You wanna give me Allah. then thats what I hv to be grateful of. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Thank u Allah!

May all of us take note that whats important is for this battle to be LILLAHITAALA so tht it counts as our jihad. wAllahualam. insyaAllah. amiin.

Muslimah

Salam. hey every1.. I juz came back from moscow.. I learnt a lot in moscow by spending some time with many other sisters from moscow, novgorad, volgograd and kursk, Russia. alhamdulillah. so, I wanna share somethg with u, abt muslimah.

at first i was with my friends, watching the games held in moscow. badminton, futsal, etc. On the way to the badminton hall n on the way back.. I was with two other sniors (girls), but of course the bus seat was two by two. N I was alone since they chose to seat together. of course there were other guys from my team. At first I sat alone, but when a guy came to count the remaining empty seats, I started to worry. I dont want to seat beside any guy strangers!!! so, i wanted to sit with my guy snior who of course, I am familiar with. n so I said, I wanted to sit with him. Of course, he was being polite and allowed me to do so. and of course, we remained silent all the way to the hall. And otw back, I make that similar choice. But now I realized tht it was the wrong choice. Astaghfirullah. Maybe I chose to do so because I felt calm and safe to be seated beside some1 I know. But the fact is, I'm a Muslimah. N must choose to not-to-seat-beside-guys. I should seat alone, coz tht is my choice as a muslimah. but for a guy to come and join me, eventhough I felt uneasy, and totally dislike.. Thts ok, coz thts not my choice, juz somethg that I cant prevent myself from, I cant run from. maybe its what Allah is testing me with. Wallahualam.

then, my beloved naqibah came and picked me up. she brought me to the home of moscow sisters (medic students). I met them, got to know them, etc.. Looking at them, I felt happy and calm, a very nice feeling which is quite difficult to explain. N I said to myself, wow! they are really bringing up their 'muslimah'. I mean.. I can really see 'Muslimah' in them.

the next day, I was supposed to support my friends playing the basketball. I say... they were great!! but what comes after that was the hockey (guys). N I knew that my naqibah (who was with me all along), wanted to go home. but I did not know the exact reason. so, for being a nice guest, I decided to go home too, when she actually gave me a choice to stay. I was happy to be able to support my smtu team, guys n girls. but I hv my priority, which was to be a well-behaved, not-so-lousy guest. but then, my naqibah told me that she chose to go home, also because she has a priority, which was different than mine. huhh? what pripority?? A priority as a muslimah! she said that as a muslimah.. we cant go around following what other people do. we have to interpret the situation, n choose for the better. It struck me, really. but now, I think I got it. U know, I hv some very close non-muslim friends. we always hang out together. but once, they brought me along to the arcade, n I really felt like I didnt belong there. y?? Because I'm a muslimah!! N I was repeatedly asking myself... "What am I doing here???". I guess that was how my naqibah felt. we muslimah have to lower our gaze toward guys, juz like guys have to lower their gaze to girls u know? so, how can we muslimah intentionally look at a group of guys, playing around?? I guess, as a muslimah.. I should not do so, even if I only wanted to support them. Like my naqibah used to say.. we girls give dakwah to girls. tht's our part! whereas guys have their own parts. we dont have to interfere, coz guys n girls.. there is a boundary in between.

Ok! 1 lesson learnt. and also.. my naqibah n the other moscow sisters werent wasting their time in the metro. they read the quran, read islamic books.. yeah. how can I deny, tht I see the 'muslimahs' in them! then, tht night, alhamdulillah, we had a programme held by one of the moscow sister. the topic was tarbiyyah. Well, I think it would be too long for me to write abt it in this post. but I say... alhamdulillah. It was a great programme, 1 that cn refresh our spirits to move on, to remind us, to improve ourselves, etc.

the next day, I was pretty sleepy. once again, I had choices. This time, whether to sleep or to eat. N I chose... to eat!! haha.. I was being myself alrite!! but then, after that.. A moscow sister was asking me the situation over here in st pete. I told her how we muslimahs r the minorities. how programmes were held in a mixture of guys-girls. coz we r 1 society. N I was ok with tht. but the sister made me feel tht it is not ok. y?? coz we I am a Muslimah! She told me tht she used to mix around with guys too. but after the tarbiyyah started in her, she realized herself, tht as a muslimah, we have to build a boundary between us. she told me tht in my case.. it would be difficult. yeah.. engineering, with guys all around me. now I'm not trying to be an anti-guys person. Coz these guys, they r very nice, caring, polite, helpful, etc. towards me. N I appreciate it! jazakumullah. but like my naqibah said, I hv my priorities as a muslimah. so, the sister said tht I had to be strong..

A friend of mine used to say, tht she liked it when we really get along with guys. we got close and spend some time together. well, I had to say.. I liked it too. before I know that it is wrong. as in.. it is not the islamic way. astaghfirullah. As an elder friend used to say to me.. We hv to put islam high, meaning.. make it our priority. N this trip to moscow really tought me a lot. alhamdulillah X3. how can I not be grateful?? I felt like I saw somethg new, somethg sweet and pretty in being a muslimah. somehtg special, somethg unique. yeah.. but can I be like tht?? I hope so. AllahummaAmiin X3. be a gud muslimah!!