ilmu-lovers??

u know.. my winter break has ended. New semester has begun. Many asked me abt how my holiday was going along. great! I learned a lot. But of course, there's lots more 2 be learnt!! yea... hey! That reminds me!!

Someone once said 2 Umar bin Abdul Aziz, "When u r able to be some1 alim, then be. But if u r unable to be so, be some1 who likes 2 learn. If u r unable to be so, be some1 who loves the fellow ulama'. But if u r still unable to be so, then dont be some1 who hates them." Then Umar bin Abdul Aziz said, "SubhanAllah, really this person has given the way out to all of us."

(Sry abt the translation tht I juz gave, hope tht the msg is clear!)

A couple of frenz invited me to some 'majlis ilmu'. Alhamdulillah. 1st one was the talaqi. I was like.. "what was it all abt, every1 was like 'crazy' abt this talaqi." I have to say, how dead I was. yea, DEAD. At least, my heart was dead. (hope tht it is currently alive. amiin.). Oh.. how cn I explain this 2 u. u c... While every1 got so excited with talaqi, I went all the way confused. what was wrong with me? y cant i feel what they feel. u must be confused too rite?? what's lydia talking abt???? yea, so let my explain. my frenz n the rest who went to the talaqi seemed to be in love with this 'majlis ilmu' and their teacher. looking forward to it every single week. but me? how come I felt normal, no excitement or anythg like tht. I suppose that my heart hardened.. it's like.... a stone!! I get what the teacher said, alrite. but... hmm... it juz didnt reach me, didnt reach my heart. N wow!! that's a sad thing, really!! I wanted more. I wanted to feel what the others felt. I know tht it is vital to love ilmu. Oh how it will bring goodness 2 us. InsyaAllah. how it will refresh our hearts... how it will open our hearts n reveal the truth to us. InsyaAllah.

(some feelings are juz difficult to be described into words. I'm trying u know!)

but at the 2nd talaqi, everythg started 2 make some sense. I felt it (a bit). The talaqi was abt Maulidur Rasul. my heart went all jumpy singing Ya Rabbi bil Mustofa. I was very2 glad. I felt the ni'mat that Allah gave. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

1 thing is.. These couple of days, I cn actually FEEL. Alhamdulillah. The feeling is somethg I value so much. It is the feel of how short life is (like in my previous post), how near death is, how insignificant it is to fight for something in this dunya. N I'm afraid, really. what if I forget abt all this. oh how I want this feeling to stay. I dont want to be enjoy myself all the way. Ya Allah. I know I'm juz a normal person. N strength? I dont think I hv it with me. In Russia I seldom go to such 'majlis ilmu'. It is like... hmm... If I hv nothg to remind me of who I am (a slave of Allah of course) n what life is all abt, then, I myself have to work this out. gv reminder 2 myself, n 2 others insyaAllah. Life is a game, in which u shud not play with. If u value ur iman, dont test it! please.

Wallahualam. May we be blessed always with remembrance of Allah. Amiin.